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A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and a Podcast

In this riveting episode of A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and a Podcast, join Gabe and Michelle as they embark on a gripping game of “Two Truths and a Lie.” Brace yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions as they open up about personal stories from their past, navigating the maze of their mental health struggles. Tune in for an immersive journey that unveils the misconceptions and hurdles they encountered, and stay hooked until the grand finale where they unravel which stories are true and which is the lie. Along the way, get an intimate look into the realities of living with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, making this episode an unmissable exploration of resilience and authenticity.

Hosts of A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and a Podcast

Gabe Howard is a professional speaker, writer, and activist living with bipolar and anxiety disorders. Diagnosed in 2003, he has made it his mission to put a human face on mental illness.

He’s the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and Other Observations and a popular podcast host. Learn more at gabehoward.com.

Michelle Hammer is a mental health advocate and the founder of the mental health clothing and lifestyle brand Schizophrenic.NYC. She is known for her efforts to raise awareness and reduce stigma surrounding mental health issues, particularly schizophrenia. She is an NYC native featured in the WebMD documentary Voices, which was nominated for a Tribeca X Award at the Tribeca Film Festival. She has also been featured in media outlets such as ABC, NBC, and CBS. You can find Michelle’s newest Home and Living line at Home.Schizophrenic.NYC where she brings her artwork into practical home essentials.

Transcript for Season 4, A Bipolar, A Schizophrenic, and a Podcast – Premiere: 2 Truths and a Lie

Producer’s Note: Please be mindful that this transcript has been computer generated and therefore may contain inaccuracies and grammar errors. Thank you. 

Announcer: So, what did the bipolar say to the schizophrenic? You’re in the right place to find out. . .

Gabe: Hey, everybody. My name is Gabe and I’m bipolar.

Michelle: And I’m Michelle and I’m schizophrenic.

Gabe: And together we are a bipolar.

Michelle: A schizophrenic.

Gabe: And a podcast.

Michelle: That’s right. We’re back. Can you believe it, Gabe?

Gabe: Welcome back everybody. We are so excited. Through sheer force of will, and of course donations. I mean there was there was money involved. You got us back on the air. We are so, so thankful. Even Michelle is thankful and she’s never thankful.

Michelle: I’m thankful sometimes, Gabe. I’m. I’m thankful when people buy stuff from me. I’m thankful when people give me presents. I’m thankful when it’s Thanksgiving. And on Thanksgiving, you eat food. And I’m thankful that I have a mouth full of teeth and a stomach that can hold the food and everything like that, and I can digest things. I’m all thankful for that stuff and that I have a body and stuff. There’s lots of things to be thankful for, you know? Thankful three, thankful two and one.

Gabe: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I know that you are thankful that people donated so that we could have another season. Now, as Michelle and I said during our campaign, we’re working for free. So, the fact that she’s thankful nobody bought us food, nobody gave us money. And Michelle is still thankful. I guess she’s thankful for my body. I mean, I am, I am, I’m kind of studly, right?

Michelle: Um, I don’t know who told you that, but you can believe it if you want.

Gabe: The look of horror on her face is is just absolutely stunning. So, we promised people, this is this is this is this is. You have to laugh too.

Michelle: What am I laughing at?

Gabe: Okay. That was just okay. So, there was a bunch of people who donated, and because of all of them, we are back on the air. They all went to BSP.show/support, and they donated so that we could have this season. Now that link is still live if you want to support us for future seasons. But for this season we have a list of people who donated and we want to thank them right now on the air. Michelle, read the list of our awesome, awesome, awesome supporters.

Michelle: I extremely will totally read this list and I’m going to pronounce everybody’s name correctly. And if you say that I didn’t, that’s okay too. Are you ready for the list? Here we go. Thank you to Bonnie Landini, Frances D. Thayer, Leigh Harris, Ross Milne, Gregory Zarian, Ariella “Ari” Kadosh, Kathleen McKeon, Judene Shelley, Elmer Earley, Carolynn Ponzoha, Dr. John Grohol, John Humphrey, Sara Danner, Jeff and Sue Hammer, Gabe’s granny, and Lisa Kiner.

Gabe: And we should point out that Jeff and Sue Hammer are the parents of our very own Michelle Hammer.

Michelle: And we should point out Gabe’s granny is Gabe’s granny.

Gabe: Yeah, yeah. My my actual grandma. She donated at a high enough level to get the shirt, the limited-edition shirt. And I want to tell everybody she is the only member of my family to get that shirt. And she knows it. She, she walks around with her chest puffed. I mean, in the walker. So, it it it’s kind of impressive in her own 87-year-old way.

Michelle: Oh. That’s cute. Does she wear it at the senior center?

Gabe: She doesn’t go to the senior center. So, she wears it around the house. Look, not many people see it.

Michelle: Why doesn’t she go to the senior? Why does your granny not go to the senior center?

Gabe: What’s she going to do with the senior center?

Michelle: She should get a boyfriend.

Gabe: Oh. Michelle. Michelle. Michelle. Michelle.

Michelle: What?

Gabe: How would you have felt if Blanche would have dated?

Michelle: Which, well, she could have after Al died.

Gabe: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are almost never speechless. Michelle, we want to open up the new season of course with two truths and a lie. Do you have your two truths and a lie, Michelle?

Michelle: Uh, I totally, totally have them all sorted out. I really think of them in advance, Gabe. Totally.

Gabe: You got nothing, do you? You just just.

Michelle: I.

Gabe: When we prepared for this show and I told you to think of two truths and a lie, you forgot about it until ten minutes before we started to record. Which for you is 15 minutes after we were supposed to start recording.

Michelle: Well, I told you, I. I messed up my scheduling. I was at a very important thing earlier today.

Gabe: A very important thing. You were a you were a studio audience member, weren’t you?

Michelle: That’s right, I was.

Gabe: [Laughter]

Michelle: I went to the taping of The View.

Gabe: The taping of The View. I thought she was a guest. She’s like, hey, I’m at The View. I’m like, oh my God, you’re a guest? She’s like, sure, sure, Gabe. Sure, sure. I’m in the audience. I mean, that’s I’m a I’m a guest of the audience. I thought you spun it well. All right, Michelle, ladies first.

Michelle: Okay. So, this is a story about. So, growing up I was very like younger younger I was very good at school especially like history class because I would just listen and I would just know how to do the tests because I would listen in class, you know? And then things went a little disarray. I started getting my, um, my, my symptoms of schizophrenia and things like that. So, ninth grade, it was called global class. Like a history class. We have a test. I didn’t study, but I thought I would know all the information. I’m taking this test, and I keep thinking for every question, oh, I remember what she said. And I fill in the bubble. And the next one, I remember what she said. And I filled in the bubble. And throughout the whole test I was like, I remember her saying this. I remember her saying this. I remember her saying this. I remember her saying this. So, I thought I did great on the test because I was convinced that I remembered her talking about all of this stuff, and I knew all of the answers because I remembered her saying all of this stuff. We get the tests back the next week or so. I failed, but I was convinced that she had said all of this stuff, so I didn’t understand how I failed. And now I realized, I was just completely delusional. And she didn’t say any of that stuff, but I convinced myself she did because I was just having symptoms of schizophrenia, and I completely was delusional that she said all these things and I was wrong, and that’s why I failed my test. That’s my story.

Gabe: So, so number one story is you learned from your delusions incorrectly

Michelle: [Laughter]

Gabe: And failed the test, but thought the teacher lied to you.

Michelle: I didn’t think the teacher lied to me. I well, at the time I didn’t understand why I had all these memories of her saying these things if they didn’t happen. So, I was very confused why I remembered her saying these things if they weren’t true. But now I realize. They she didn’t say any of those things and that was symptoms before I knew anything.

Gabe: I like how you’ve tabled it as a because this happens to me all the time where I like get in fights with people and I’m positive that it happened and they’re like, dude, that we did not fight about that. And I’m like, well, I hate you anyway. I, I don’t care what you say. I just, I just, I guess in my delusions or brain or a dream, whatever. I’m mad at you. All right. So, we’re going to call that delusions during learning. And that’s, that’s that’s Michelle’s first one. Okay. So, here’s my first one. So long before I was a mental health advocate, I was I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. And, and I want everybody to know a couple of things before I tell this story. One, I used to be a huge hockey fan, and there is a team here in Columbus called the Columbus Blue Jackets. And the second thing that I want people to know is apparently I was against, uh, person first language, conscientious language, and saying the right thing, uh, long before I was a mental health advocate. So those who have followed this show and have written us, you know, nice letters about how saying you’re bipolar is incorrect. You’re supposed to say you’re a person living with bipolar disorder. I want you to know I never once changed my mind.

Gabe: Apparently, even in the psychiatric hospital, I felt that these language initiatives were a problem. Uh, and here’s my story. Uh, as as my number one. So, one of the things that they have you do in the psychiatric hospital is they exercise you, they have you go play in this case, basketball. So, we were playing basketball and there was like five of us. And we were, you know, I don’t know, just just dribbling I guess it’s it’s a gym whatever. And somebody said, hey, you guys have enough for a basketball team? What’s the name of your team? And I said, the straitjackets. I thought that was a clever name. And they’re like, well, Gabe, you can’t say that. That’s offensive. I’m like, it’s a play on the Columbus Blue Jackets. The straitjackets. It’s it’s it’s it’s funny, they did not think it was funny and they started lecturing me. Even then I. Listen, Michelle, I am I am a patient committed to a psychiatric hospital and I’m still being told how I’m allowed to talk. Uh, just like I said, I, I started very young in the in the advocacy of language, apparently. So, my first one is called, I don’t know, something that is easy to write down. Straitjackets. All right, Michelle, number two for two truths and a lie.

Michelle: All right. Here’s one. In 11th grade in math class. I was always talking in back of the class. So, my teacher said, you got to come up and sit in the front seat right next to the desk. So, I’m sitting in the front seat right next to the desk. And then I had some sort of conversation with my teacher. I really like this teacher because she was funny. She explained things well, and I just thought she was funny when people didn’t understand things because she would always go like, you know, like, here’s how you do it. What’s the question? And I would laugh all the time because she was just funny like that. So, this was in 11th grade. I was in math class and, um, it was hard. It was math B, math B doesn’t exist anymore, but it was called math B according to New York State. And, um, I always talked a lot about in the back of the class. So, my teacher made me sit all the way up front in the desk right next to her desk. And this was also when, like, I thought this was that time of my life where I was very paranoid and I thought my mother was trying to hurt me. She kept trying to get me help.

Michelle: I was like seeing like the school psychiatrist, psychologist or whatever it was they wanted me to meetings. All this whole thing was going on, right? So, I’m up there. I think I was like struggling through something. And I’m talking to the teacher because she’s at the desk right next to me and my teacher goes, you’re paranoid. And I go, who have you been talking to? She goes, what? And I go, I’m not sitting here anymore. And I go back to my other seat, and then she comes up to my seat and she goes, we need to talk after class. So, after class happens and she’s like, what’s going on? I’m like, no, you’ve been talking to somebody. You called me paranoid. What’s going on? And she’s like, what’s going on? What are you talking about? So that’s kind of like the story right there is that my teacher called me paranoid and I insisted that she’s been talking to, like, my mom, my guidance counselor. I thought she was talking to everybody about me just because my teacher pointed out my paranoia. I thought she had been like, you know, in my brain in in my whole life, you know what I’m saying? That’s kind of like what you you get what I’m saying here, Gabe?

Gabe: I, I dig it. And of course, isn’t it fascinating that if this story is true and it’s true for a great many people on a great many levels, that even when somebody points out a symptom of mental illness, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc., we react of course negatively. In this case, somebody said, hey, you’re paranoid. And instead of you saying, oh my God, maybe I am, maybe I need help, maybe. You instead thought that the teacher was out to get you. So even when somebody tells you that something is going wrong, the reaction is negative. And of course, when we ignore people with serious and persistent mental illness, it’s negative. So yeah, you can see why we’re all screwed, right? Every road leads badly.

Michelle: Yeah, just a little bit.

Gabe: Now I’m depressed, Michelle.

Michelle: Well, we’re both mentally ill. So, I mean, depressed is not far off from how we actually feel. A lot of the time. So that’s pretty normal.

Gabe: I’m going to call this one teacher called you paranoid and.

Michelle: Shout out, Miss Crystal. Miss Crystal, shout out to you.

Gabe: And you reacted like Michelle. [Laughter].

Michelle: [Laughter]

Gabe: All right. So, I’m going to go ahead and call this one teacher called you paranoid and you reacted like Michelle I think I think, yeah, I mean just. All right. My second one okay. So, my theme today is when I was committed to a psychiatric hospital. So, there’s lots of stuff that went on in there. And I know that we’ve talked about hypersexuality in bipolar disorder and my personal experience with hypersexuality. And it um, this is a not uncommon thing, but I want to just sort of preface what I’m about to say with this is not a good idea. It’s not a good idea. And, and but it happens a lot. And that’s sort of why I want to address it. When I was, uh, uh, when I, when I was inpatient, uh, a woman hit on me. And of course, you know, I’m inpatient. Life sucks, I’m depressed, I’m sad. And now a woman is is coming on to me. And it felt good. And there were opportunities in, in private rooms, etc., uh, to have sex. And I want to be very clear. It’s.

Michelle: In the psych ward?

Gabe: Yeah. In the psych ward, people have sex all the time. Forget about my story for a moment. People have sex in the psych ward constantly.

Michelle: No, not in any psych ward I’ve been in, Gabe.

Gabe: Oh, you’ve been in the wrong.

Michelle: That never happened in the psych ward. I don’t know. Also, I the men I met in the psych ward, I would never.

Gabe: Listen, I recognize that you may have higher standards than me, but that does not change the fact that people constantly have sex in the psychiatric ward. It is not an uncommon tale. And it wasn’t for me either. I, I, I had sex in a psych ward.

Michelle: If you insist. If you

Gabe: I.

Michelle: Insist on that one, Gabe.

Gabe: I mean, listen, it’s two truths and a lie. This could, in fact, be the lie. You don’t know.

Michelle: This seems like a lie. But maybe it’s the truth because you’re trying to throw me off. Because this seems so out of out. This is. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, so I don’t even know. Maybe. Is it so crazy that it’s true?

Gabe: I mean, listen, it could be.

Michelle: That’s absolutely absurd.

Sponsor Break

Michelle: And we’re back playing Two Truths & a Lie

 

Gabe: I just I want to be very, very clear for the purposes of the people listening who are learning, uh, sex in a psych ward is a very, very, very, very common thing. Now, this is two truths and a lie. So, whether I did it, you’ll have to wait until the end of the show to find out. But I want to be super clear. It’s common. It’s a bad idea. It leaves endless scars. We could probably do a whole episode on this. Uh, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there’s lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of data on this. Uh, yeah. Yeah, it’s it’s it’s, it’s pretty high.

Michelle: I am so grossed out by that.

Gabe: I mean, are you grossed out by me having sex or people having sex in a psych ward?

Michelle: I just I’m like the psych wards that I’ve been in and the people in there just imagining. Just the. Just the.

Gabe: You were one of those. You can’t.

Michelle: Ugh. No, I mean the options, the options of the like who I would just like. I’m just thinking of all the men, all the men that I’ve met in the psych ward. If any of them were at all doable, I, no.

Gabe: I mean, it is an awkward place to have sex, but there’s there’s lots and lots and lots of data on this. Uh, I don’t want to start quoting stats because that’s not our thing. But I’m telling you, Google it. You’ll learn lots. All right. Michelle, my number two was sex in a psych ward. All right, let’s have you wrap up your third two truths and a lie story.

Michelle: Okay, so my best class in high school was gym.

Gabe: [Laughter] No. Was it lacrosse? I’m surprised you even said gym and didn’t just go straight for lacrosse.

Michelle: That wasn’t a class. That was an after-school thing. That was an extracurricular activity to put on your, uh, college resume, like that mattered. Remember when people used to put clubs on their college resumes? Like it really made a difference? Or they can even check? I could have put down, like, 50 clubs. Like they were even going to check if I joined these clubs.

Gabe: I didn’t go to college. I have no idea.

Michelle: So stupid anyway. So, I got stuck in this ninth-grade project adventure class, even though I was a senior somehow. So, we’re playing this weird volleyball team handball made up weird sport because it’s project adventure. But keep in mind, I was a senior in a ninth-grade gym class. It was the only space. And he was so bad. This guy, I was playing against this boy and he was so bad, but he was on my team. But he was so, so, so, so bad at this game. So, at one point I was just like, you suck. You are so bad at this game. Like you’re so bad. You’re so terribly bad. And he goes, you know, you’re so effing crazy, f you, you crazy b***h. And I was like, you know what? And I went off on him. I just started yelling at him, don’t call me crazy. I’m not crazy. It’s not my fault that you suck. Don’t you call me names. And I popped off on him because I didn’t like that he called me crazy because I had been like, you know, feeling crazy in my head. And if you insult me, I’m going to make it a bigger deal than it’s going to be. And I popped off on him so badly, the teacher had to come over and be like, Michelle, why don’t you just leave for the rest of the game? And I was like, are you serious? He’s the one that’s being mean to me. He’s calling me crazy. And Saltollo, Mr. Sal. He was like, just, just take a break. Take a break. It’s okay. They’re all freshmen. You’re a senior. It’s okay if he’s not that good. He’s not an athlete like you. Calm down. And I was like, he’s calling me names. He’s calling me crazy. What are you talking about? He’s calling me crazy. This teacher, he’s since retired. He was the coolest guy ever, Sal. He was like, just take a break. Just take a break. Take a break. And I was like, fine, fine. Fine. And that’s that’s kind of my story.

Gabe: So, we’re going to call that one don’t call Michelle crazy. I think. I think that headline just writes itself. So, but I want to I want to make sure that I understand some core components of the story. You’re saying that he called you crazy and that upset you because you were schizophrenic, or did you just not like the insult?

Michelle: Well, you know, because like like, like I was getting crazier and crazier as time went on, throughout my high school years and other people, like, in the time, like, like I was getting a reputation of being crazy. So, somebody calling me crazy was really going to set me off because I was like, people were like, knowing like people like, like one time people were saying that like, oh, you know at Harman’s you could buy pepper spray. I was like, you can get pepper spray there? They were like, you, you don’t buy pepper spray. You should not buy pepper spray like things like that. You know, people were saying things like that to me. So, like, I didn’t like that when people would be like, you’re crazy. I’d be like, don’t call me crazy. You know. So, a little comments like that, we’re starting to piss me off.

Gabe: I want you to know the only part of that story that I heard and really like, connected with was you weaponized. I just imagine you with pepper spray. I just I just like anything. You would just, like, walk up and you’d be like, hey, you got a Red Bull? No, we’re out. Pschit. You can’t pepper spray people for being out of Red Bull. You’re like, the hell I can’t. Oh, man. You’re crazy. You sprayed me. You don’t call me crazy, I. Oh, man. Man. And you know, I. I’ve known you for a long time, and I go back and forth. I don’t think these things are symptoms of schizophrenia. I think this is your core personality. I think if we gave you a shot tomorrow and removed all the schizophrenia, there’s a large portion of these things that would remain. I got to tell you, I got. I’m. We’re calling that one. Don’t call Michelle crazy.

Michelle: Hmm.

Gabe: I will I will follow up on whether or not that one was true later. I have number three. All right. I am staying with the theme of being, uh, committed to a psychiatric hospital. But this is the day I got out. So, so so remember, I was I was in the psychiatric hospital. They eventually released me. Uh, my friend picked me up and drove me to the pharmacy. And while I was in line at the pharmacy, uh, you know, I had to pick up my prescriptions that I was, I was prescribed I was prescribed some of my first psychiatric medications. And obviously they leave you, uh, you know, they give them to you when you check out, you go to the pharmacy, you go to fill them. Because while I was there, they were giving me the pills, but now I had to go get them on my own. So, we’re standing in line, and, you know, I’m feeling a lot better, you know, that? They got me stabilized, that the treatment was good. I’m feeling hopeful. Obviously, I was just released from a psych ward, so that kind of feels good, right? And I’m standing in this line and I’m just talking. And I’m a loud person, right? I’m a big, loud guy, right? Michelle is not shocked by this. Uh, neither is anyone who knows me. And I’m standing there and I said to my friend, I said, well, I’ve got to fill the prescription from. And I said that really loud, like just in that voice, hey, I’ve got to fill the prescription from. And I was getting ready to say the psych ward. But then I realized that everybody could hear me, and I suddenly lowered my voice from the place where they prescribed the medicine. So, the whole thing went, oh yeah, I’ve got to fill my prescription from the place where they prescribed the medicine. I never whisper about anything, but at that point, I didn’t want anybody to know that I was just released from a psychiatric hospital and was filling that prescription. So that is my number three place where they prescribed the medicine. All right. Michelle, are you excited?

Michelle: All right.

Gabe: To figure out which ones are true and which ones are false?

Michelle: I am, I can’t be possibly more excited.

Gabe: Do you want to go first or should I?

Michelle: You can go first.

Gabe: Maybe I want you to go first.

Michelle: Okay, then I’ll go first.

Gabe: I don’t want you to go crazy on me.

Michelle: Hmm.

Gabe: This is a very muted reaction. You can tell that the therapy and the psychiatric medications are working. Because I just called you crazy and you didn’t go off on me.

Michelle: Didn’t you know, Gabe, that I don’t go to therapy?

Gabe: I did know that. I think everybody knows that. Your mom keeps mentioning it over and over again in our email exchanges.

Michelle: Are you serious?

Gabe: No, but the look on your face. It’s two truths and a lie. That’s my lie. Uh. All right, Michelle, I, I want to go first. I think the guy calling you crazy and you going ape shit is the lie.

Michelle: Yeah, that’s a lie.

Gabe: Yay, yah.

Michelle: Also, I said we were playing volleyball team handball. Like, what the hell sport is that?

Gabe: You know what’s sad? That’s that’s not what made me think anything of it. It was the fact that you said that the teacher just didn’t care. I. Could you imagine, like, screaming at another student and the teacher just like. Yeah, whatever. This isn’t my problem.

Michelle: That teacher knew me very well. He was my good buddy.

Gabe: All right. Michelle, which one do you think of mine? Remember, we’ve got straitjackets, sex in a psych ward and place where they prescribe the medicine. Those are the three. Which one do you think is the lie?

Michelle: Uh, the sex in the psych ward.

Gabe: Yeah, that’s a lie. Complete lie.

Michelle: Yeah. You, would have told. You would have totally told me that. Plus, I mean, you didn’t. You only spend like, two days in a psych ward.

Gabe: Okay. First off, it was four days and three nights. Uh, but here’s the thing, though the story is a little bit true. I was, in fact, propositioned in the psych ward. Uh, but I said no because I was one. I was just way too depressed. I don’t I don’t I don’t think I could have performed, uh, even if I wanted to, uh, but I didn’t want to. It was, it was off putting. It was a little bit scary. Uh, and it was aggressive. Um, but I, I, I wanted to use that story one because of the prevalence of it. I think it’s just a very important conversation, especially when people with bipolar disorder and they have hypersexuality, if you’re in the psychiatric hospital or being treated or in a day program, etc., for hypersexuality, you can see how this would be a real problem. You got a whole bunch of people with hypersexuality in a in a tight space, trying to control those urges with other people who are also experiencing it. This is just another layer, I think, for, uh, people managing this illness. Also, not for nothing, when you have hypersexuality, people aren’t kind to you. You know, you walk up to people and you’re like, hey, I’m experiencing hypersexuality. And you’re like, oh, cry me a river. Uh, and they just, you know, I never got a lot of support for that. So, I while I did not want to be very clear, I did not have sex in a psychiatric ward. I do think there’s a larger conversation here for people with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, serious, persistent mental illness who are experiencing hypersexuality. They can’t get help. Uh, and then, of course, they’re left to their own devices, and it often turns out poorly.

Michelle: Well, I can’t speak to having sex in a psych ward, but every guy in the psych ward, the last one did give me their phone number. And I threw it out when I left. About five different phone numbers.

Gabe: You know how, like if you do a television show or like a movie and you meet somebody, they call that a showmance. If you

Michelle: Uh-huh.

Gabe: Meet somebody in a psych ward. What’s that called? Craymance? Wack job-mance? Psychmance? Craymance

Michelle: That’s not funny. That is not funny.

Gabe: Well, what have you got that’s funny?

Michelle: Locked up, locked up, a locked up mance, a showmance. There’s nothing that compares.

Gabe: You can’t call it a showmance, a whoamance.

Michelle: I wouldn’t call it a showmance, but that right? You can’t call it anything, Gabe, because it’s nothing. It’s nothing.

Gabe: A hoemance? A showmance?

Michelle: It’s just nothing. It’s nothing.

Gabe: It’s not. There’s got to be a joke here.

Michelle: It’s a mess. It’s what it is, is a mess. It’s a mess.

Gabe: It’s just a mess?

Michelle: It’s just a big mess. It’s a mess. It’s a mess is what it is.

Gabe: Staymance?

Michelle: It’s a mess.

Gabe: Inpatient love affair?

Michelle: But my story about the about the pepper spray, the the pepper spray part of my story was true. That did happen when people said do not buy pepper spray.

Gabe: I believe it. I can see why people would not want you to have pepper spray again. I don’t think that had anything to do with schizophrenia. I think people just don’t want Michelle Hammer and her short temper to have pepper spray. I’m telling you, I can see it.

Michelle: No, because I’d be like, I’m paranoid. I think I’m are you talking about me? Are you talking about me? Are you talking about me? Yeah. You were talking about me. I knew you were. No, I wasn’t, yeah. You were. Yeah. You were. Shush.

Gabe: I’m very concerned, I just do. Do you have pepper spray now?

Michelle: No.

Gabe: Okay, good, because people won’t let you have it, right?

Michelle: I don’t even know where to get it.

Gabe: Yeah, because it’s so hard to get things. You live in New York City. There is nothing that you can’t get on every single corner.

Michelle: I haven’t even looked for it.

Gabe: Don’t. That is my advice to you.

Michelle: Should I go to? I’ll go to the bodega. You want me to go to the bodega around the corner? Ask me to have some pepper spray there. I’ll be like,

Gabe: No,

Michelle: I have some chili peppers.

Gabe: No,

Michelle We got chili peppers here.

Gabe: No, I don’t want you to do any of that.

Michelle: You want some Takis? Hot Takis. Throw some hot Takis at your eyes.

Gabe: Does it feel good to be back?

Michelle: Feels great. You want some jalapenos in your eyes? That’s what I can get around the corner.

Gabe: No. I want to remind people that if they go to BSP.show/support,

Michelle: You will get jalapenos.

Gabe: They can help keep us going for seasons to come. I mean, who doesn’t want to miss Michelle naming off every pepper? I mean, she’s missed ghost pepper.

Michelle: There’s a ghost pepper?

Gabe: There’s a ghost pepper.

Michelle: What?

Gabe: You don’t? You don’t? You’ve never heard of ghost peppers?

Michelle: I don’t know. I’ll go to the bodega. I’ll ask him what kind of peppers they have.

Gabe: All right. And you can report in next week.

Michelle: Everything. Whenever I order food, I have to say no jalapenos because they have the jalapenos that I can’t handle at that place. You ever had jalapeno poppers? Those make me vomit.

Gabe: Oh, Michelle, I have missed you. I have missed you so much.

Michelle: Have you had jalapeno poppers?

Gabe: I have, I have. All right. Michelle, are you ready to wrap up and get out of here? Our studio time is running short.

Michelle: Okay. How do we wrap this up? I forgot it’s been a while.

Gabe: All right. Here. Here’s how it goes. First, I tell everybody where they can find me. Then you tell everybody where they can find you.

Michelle: Oh, right.

Gabe: And then we say goodbye. And generally speaking, you scream something inappropriate.

Michelle: Oh, right. Right, right.

Gabe: All right. You ready?

Michelle: Yes.

Gabe: All right, everybody, I hope you enjoyed the first episode of the new season of our show. Michelle and I are super excited to be back. If you want to keep us on the air, please, please, please consider donating to BSP.show/support. You can check out everything that we’ve got going on there. We still have some pretty cool perks that you can check out. And of course, you get more of well, Michelle and I screaming over each other, which for some reason people really, really like. My name is Gabe Howard and I am the author of “Mental Illness Is an Asshole and Other Observations,” which you can get on Amazon. However, you can go to my website, gabehoward.com, and get a signed copy there with some free show swag.

Michelle: And I am Michelle Hammer. I created Schizophrenic.NYC. You can check it out and find all the awesome stuff that I sell. T shirts, pillboxes, artwork, all that great stuff. Uh, so check out schizophrenic NYC and check out my awesome project.

Gabe: All right. We need you to do us a favor. Wherever you downloaded this episode, please follow or subscribe. It is absolutely free. And finally, tell everybody that you know that we are back. Sharing the show is absolutely how we’re going to grow and Michelle and I need all the word of mouth that we can get, and we will see everybody next time on A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast.

Michelle: We’re back!

Announcer: You’ve been listening to A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast. Previous episodes can be found on your favorite podcast player or by visiting ThisEmotionalLife.org/BSP. Have comments or show ideas? Hit up the show at BSP@ThisEmotionalLife.org. Gabe and Michelle are not medical professionals. This podcast is not a substitute for medical advice and is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help, please call your doctor, emergency services, or the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741. Thank you for listening.